10 Things Everyone Will Need for the Release of Diablo 3

Diablo 3 has Gamers worldwide quite excitedly preparing for it upcoming release, so I have prepared a short list of the top ten things that every gamer planning to play Diablo 3 on day one should have ready to go.

We gamers have a reputation. It’s not a particularly good reputation but a reputation nonetheless. We are seen as basement dwelling dweebs who eat nothing but Hot Pockets and drink naught but caffeinated beverages, when the truth is that I don’t even have a basement. But I do have a small amount of success as a Pro Gamer…….’s friends housemate, so I know a little bit about preparation for long stints of gaming.

1. A Sense of History

Diablo 2

If you have never played Diablo 2, then now is a very good time for it. It was a smash hit at the time of its release in 2000, quickly becoming at the time, the fastest selling video game ever. It has aged somewhat but it is still more than playable and the fact that it is still receiving patches and updates over 8 years since its release, it is a shining example of why Blizzard is so highly regarded by gamers.

2. Hot Pockets!

The hot pocket has a reputation for being the ultimate food for gamers for a reason. Its easy, quick, small and full of nutrition. Each Hot Pocket contains over 7 vitamin and minerals!

If you don’t think too hard, it has 3 of the food groups in each hot pocket. Grains, Dairy, and a Meat-ish type substance. What more could you really need.

Well, a lot of things really.

Any athlete will tell you that a balanced diet is an important part of their regime. Even gaming athletes. Even though they aren’t burning as many calories as regular athletes, many gaming pro’s have a balanced nutritious diet that helps them to concentrate for long periods of time.

Avoid carb heavy diets, eat plenty of protein including Fish, leafy greens are always good and lots of small healthy snacks will help keep your metabolism chugging along.

So put down that bag of Dorito’s, and pick up a nice carrot. Your health, and quite likely your ass will thank you in the long run.


3. Portable Toilet

Reliance Products Luggable Loo Portable 5 Gallon Toilet

For as little as $22 you can have your very own portable bucket to crap in! No more will you have to annoyingly interrupt those faming runs to go and drop off a package, now you can do that while sitting at your computer. This 5 gallon bucket is large enough so that it can hold a whole week’s worth of waste, so you will only have to empty it during Tuesdays maintenance. OR YOU COULD USE THE TOILET LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, Your choice.


4. Drink!

Pile of Mountain Dew

While Mountain Dew would have you believe that Mountain Dew has become the preference for gamers worldwide, it is important to note that Pro Gamers don’t drink it. In fact, it is rare for pro gamers to drink any kind of caffeine whatsoever. While it’s true that Caffeine is a stimulant, it is a borrowed stimulant and the effects are very short lived. Once the caffeine wears off, the body will go through a withdrawal where your reaction times and mental capacity are actually reduced.

Juice may be seen as a healthy alternative but it has been shown to spike your blood sugar almost as much as Coke or mountain Dew, and can have the same “coming down” effect.

Hydrate your body with plenty of water, and have a nice relaxing cup of tea every now and then. If you drink nothing but carbonated drinks with caffeine, you will crash, and you will crash hard.

4. Optional Part 2. An Alcohol of your Preference

Pure Class of Wine

A small glass of fine wine or stout beer will be acceptable for when your inevitable death comes. Or, conversely, to celebrate that first legendary drop. If you are under the legal drinking age or prefer not to drink, a nice red balloon should suffice.

But, if you haven’t figured out by now that too much alcohol plus online gaming is a bad idea, you will find out when you wake up with a hangover, a naked character and an inbox full of hate mail for what you did to that poor sexy NPC last night.


5. Spare Mouse

SteelSeries Diablo III Gaming Mouse

Click click click click click click click click click click click click click click click.

These are the sounds of a Diablo player in its natural environment. It is estimated that every Diablo players makes well over one million mouse clicks per hour (Source), so it is only natural that there will be some mouse-casualties. So it pays to have a spare mouse or two lying around, particularly if you are a Hardcore player with a temper. Which leads us directly to our next point…


6. Spare Keyboard

Super Smashed Keyboard

There is nothing more frustrating in the world of Diablo than losing a Hardcore player, and with Diablo 3 being online only, the amount of Hardcore deaths die due to disconnects is set to skyrocket. And when there isn’t a Blizzard employee within arm’s reach to punch, the next best thing is the keyboard.

7. Good Gaming Environment

Gaming Setup

Two thing that you will surely want is a solid, stable Internet connection, and a sturdy comfortable chair.
The first should be obvious, without a stable connection, you wont get to play Diablo at all. Frequent disconnecting equals frequent frustration equals the afore mentioned smashed keyboards.

The second, a good chair and more importantly, good posture while gaming is thought to actually improve ones performance as well as your general health and well-being.

8. A Mobile Authenticator

Find an Authenticator on the Blizzard Store!

With the introduction of a Real Money Auction House, your Battle-Net accounts have never been worth more to hackers and other horrible people looking to exploit innocent gamers. I know from experience how heartbreaking it can be to lose a WoW character, and I imagine it is not different with a Diablo character. Some people literally put thousands of hours into these games, and it pays to protect your gaming investments.

An Authenticator will allow no-one without the authenticator and your password to enter your account.

You can either get a Mobile Authenticator from Blizzard themselves for only $6.50, or if you have either an Android Device or iPod, iPod or iPhone, you can download a free app from the respective app stores. All you have to do then is attach it to your account and enter the password from it every time you log in to Battle-net.

Get them Here:
Android devices
iPod, iPod or iPhone


9. Brace yourself

gamer rage

The Diablo community and the Blizzard community in general has seemingly impossibly high standards for their games. They expect a high degree of quality from Blizzard and are not shy about letting them know about it.

Browsing the WoW general forums should give you an idea of the amount of pure vitriol and hatred that gamers will spew towards their beloved Blizzard.

Take a look at this small sample of actual quotes from the forums

“GG Blizz, you nerfed (my class) to the point where it is completely unplayable. Never buying another blizz game ever”

“Why does Blizzard hate their customers?”

“Blizzard have shown time and time again that they know absolutely nothing about designing a game”

I really don’t know why it be like it is, but it do. Avoid the general forums like the plague that they are, but don’t be afraid to play games with these people. In general the Blizzard community perfectly wonderful people when you are playing with them, but I wouldn’t want to be one of their idols.

10. Patience.

If the release days of Blizzards other online only games are anything to go by, Day 1 of Diablo 3 will be plagued with disconnects, server overloads and a million other small problems. There is one general rule with Blizzard launches, that if something can go wrong, it will take ten other things down with it as it fails spectacularly.

All that said, I cant wait!

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